i just sent this text using only my big toe
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
