i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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