Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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