how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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