i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
