Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm bleeding and have questions
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
