So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
