We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We're too hungover to prance.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
