....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
