Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Randomize
