So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
