ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
What a dumb baby whore.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
