TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
