Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
