Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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