Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
