Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
