Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
