i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
