I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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