Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
