he thought i was a dude.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
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