if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
