gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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