from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
