VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
farters have to be the big spoon...
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
