She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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