there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
