I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
