i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
