I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
