like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
