saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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