it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
