I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
