..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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