He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
