Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
