Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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