i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
