she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
