I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
