I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
