The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
