I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
i drank out of a bidet.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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