my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
this hospital has no fireball
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
