dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
