i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Your topless pictures make me question reality
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
