he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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