what day is it and did you see me today?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
