I will die if light touches me.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
