HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
A+ Viking dick
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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