My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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